Thursday, Oct. 22, 2009
MYRTLE-OPOLY: You too can be a real estate mogul
Thousands of gaming enthusiasts flocked to Las Vegas this week to compete in a popular, high-stakes tournament.
Texas Hold 'Em? Blackjack? The 25th annual Elvis Impersonators' Golf Scramble? Wrong, wrong and wrong on many levels.
No, believe it or not, it's the 2009 World Monopoly Championship (yes, there actually is such a thing) which wraps up today at Caesars Palace Ballroom. Who knew you could win a world title for playing the same game you grew up arguing over with your siblings to settle who got to be the banker and the racecar?
It's hard to picture a smoke-filled casino packed with players passing counterfeit bills, building fake hotels and drinking Kool-Aid. It may launch a new motto among retro-dorks - "What happens in Vegas passes Go in Vegas." - but it is what it is.
Sixty-five years after its creation (the game's central character, Mr. Monopoly, would be drawing Social Security this year), more than 250 million Monopoly sets have been sold worldwide, more than 5 trillion little green houses have been "constructed,'' games are being produced in 27 languages and the world's most popular board game appears to be more popular than ever.
"Monopoly is still and always will be the king of all board games,'' said Chris Mospaw, founder of the Vegas-based Monopoly blog (yes, there's one of those, too) and an avid collector of the classic board game. "It has stood the test of time." ' The game has changed through the years (Parker Brothers initially rejected it because it cited 52 fundamental playing flaws in the original design) but the basic concept remains the same: snap up as much real estate as possible and get rich on the rent.
Specialty versions of the game have cropped up in recent years, including spinoffs featuring the Disney Princesses and SpongeBob SquarePants editions and high-tech versions for X-Box and iPhone platforms. Individuals can have games built around their own home towns.
So we figured, why not the Grand Strand? Fortunes have been made and lost in our little corner on the coast (especially in the latest economic downturn and real estate crunch), so why not create a game for locals set in their own back yards?
Hence, we give you Myrtle-opoly, a cheap, imitation rip-off that lets you pretend to be one of the movers and shakers at The Dunes Club for a day (or, if you're lucky enough to tie the world record for the longest game ever - 70 consecutive days).
You will recognize the changes, like substituting Grande Dunes for Boardwalk and Racepath for Mediterranean. And instead of railroads (grass is the only thing on our tracks), players will try to amass tourist traps, er, attractions. What better way to get rich quick in this town than to charge tour-ons $19.99 a pop to have their names airbrushed on their Myrtle Beach wife-beater?
So choose your game piece, roll the dice and let's play the good ol' American game the Myrtle Beach way - beat your opponents into bankruptcy.
And remember, the idea is to reflect the Grand Strand area based on property values and popular perceptions in a satirical way, not to hurt anyone's feelings or create some sort of local caste system. Like real Monopoly, it's just a game.
Game On
Picture yourself seated at a big oak table in a boardroom somewhere in the Founders Center on Oak Street in what's been dubbed as Myrtle Beach's financial district. The entire beachfront sits outside a large window and a small-scale map of the area and its many treasures are strewn about the table at the start of a game.
You are Player A because your opponents are obviously Players B&C, who have already won the real-life game of Myrtle-opoly. They graciously let you roll first (It's the least they can do since they already own most of the property in town anyway). (Since we're accused of being backwards around here, we'll play Myrtle-opoly counter clock wise).
Player A: 3! One, two, three. Atlantic Beach $60? I'll buy it. The worst that can happen is the town could go broke, the mayor could be arrested - three times - and its one annual festival could become the disdain of every neighboring town.
Players B&C: Nice investment, old chap. 5! Family Kingdom $200. Don't we already own an oceanfront amusement park in that area? No thanks.
Player A: Yeah, it was called the Pavilion. Now it's the world's most scenic weed farm. 9! Hmm, Santee Cooper Electric $150. Are you serious? That's more than my monthly electric bill in the summer. I'll buy it. Now you're not the only local with power.
Players B&C: We'll see about that. 3! Aynor $160. Don't we already own Aynor? No. Does it have an ocean? No! Then why do we want it? Oh yeah, it's got trees. We'll take it.
Player A: 3! Freestyle Music Park $200. No thanks, I'll wait and get a better deal on it at the next bankruptcy auction.
Players B&C: Savvy move, chum. 9! Community Chest. Draw a card, it says "Pass Bike Week Ordinances, Pay City Council $100." Those folks always have their hands out like they think they're the ones in charge, but it is an election year. Pay it.
Player A: 5! Free Parking. Awesome, I was getting tired of trying to find loose change every time I wanted to go downtown.
Players B&C: Poor commoner. 9! Pine Lakes. Perfect. We already have the golf course, so why not the whole neighborhood to go with it? Then we can put up toll gates all around it and charge people just for passing through. God, I love this town.
Player A: As you should. 8! Alligator Adventure $150. Hmm, that gives me an idea. Wait until the next Hannah Montana concert at the House of Blues, set the gators free just before show time and let the laws of nature take their course. I think I'll buy it.
Players B&C: 10! Community Chest. The card says, "Caught Draining Wetlands, Pay $200 Fine." Let's see, drain a million-dollar plot of land and pay a $200 fine? What a bargain.
Player A: 2! Go To J. Reuben Long Detention Center. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Get your mug shot in the paper.
Players B&C: 4! Ocean Boulevard. We can build hotels and amusement parks and ... oh yeah, been there, done that.
Player A: Great, meanwhile I'm stuck in jail with nobody to bail me out while you guys are buying up all the properties.
Player B&C: Welcome to the real world, but we would be happy to rent you a place once you get out of jail. It's just business.
Player A: I thought it was just a game.
Play On
As you already may have noticed, this week's edition of Weekly Surge (did I mention it is free?) comes complete with a full-sized Myrtle-opoly board. Feel free to place it on your coffee table and invite your friends over for some good ol' capitalist fun.
You will have to provide your own dice, play money and hotels and motels from an old Monopoly set and create your own game pieces (a mini surfboard instead of a wheelbarrow, a Myrtle Beach flip-flop key chain in lieu of the boot, a golf tee in place of the thimble, a golf cart in place of the car, a hermit crab instead of the dog, a bungee jumper in place of the horse and rider and a visor instead of the top hat).
You can make up your own Chance and Community Chest cards, which could be more fun than playing the game itself. Here are a few ideas to get you started: "Caught Smoking in Surfside Beach, Pay $100." Or "Win Wet T-Shirt Contest, Collect $50." Or "Go Shopping in Myrtle Beach, Pay 10 Percent Sales Tax." I'm telling you, folks, these things write themselves.
And a word of caution for your party, have plenty of food and beer on hand. If you think it takes a long time to play Monopoly, Myrtle-opoly flows like frozen molasses because the residents, er, players in this area tend to go slow, even in the fast lane.
"Dude, who's turn is it?" a player will ask for the 50th time. "Turn,"another will respond. "Oh yeah, I forgot we were playing."
I don't want to say we're a laid-back people, but a beach bum trying to play a game based on hostile takeovers and aggressive moves is like having an animal-rights activities play Stomp the Bunny. It goes against our devil-may-care nature and attitude.
"Dude, I landed on Pawleys Island but I don't have enough cash to cover it. Throw me a few bills and I'll get it and then you guys can come down and crash there anytime you want. We could boil some shrimp and get a keg and have a big party. Let's do it!"
And imagine if the tourist traps and beach stores were owned by Joe and Jane Local instead of real business people. We could go fishing at Ripley's Aquarium and actually find something for less than $5.95 at the "Nothing for Less Than $5.95" stores.
But one of the best parts of the game is to show just how diverse and dynamic our tiny little corner of the world really is - from oceanfront hotels and mansions to slums, from crowded apartment and condo complexes to multi-acre farms with one trailer.
While many communities are straight out of the cookie-cutter, the Grand Strand is unique - locals and tourists, the Old South flooded with Northern transplants, an influx of retirees on permanent vacation and kids who came on spring break and never left.
We make fun of it, but outsiders aren't allowed to. For better or worse, it's our home. It's just a game, a game we locals call life. (Wait, that's another game.)
