Thursday, Nov. 12, 2009

Football's fall fashion makeover

Don't bother watching your Gamecocks take on the top-ranked Gators on Saturday. You won't be able to see them on TV.

Well, at least not at first. That's because South Carolina is eschewing its traditional garnet and black uniforms for military-issue desert camouflage ones, so you'll have to look hard to see them in action - you know, the football kind, not armed combat.

And instead of sporting the players' last names on the backs, the jerseys will feature words such as "Courage," which is exactly what it takes to take on the top-ranked Florida squad while wearing combat gear. But the Gamecocks are sure to make a statement, even if it's just a fashion statement

This is the latest wardrobe malfunction to plague the football fashion world this fall season. Last week it was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers tossing aside their trendy new millennium maroon and pewter uniforms for their old baby-aspirin orange ones. As fate would have it, the Bucs finally won their first game of the season.

And the week before that, it was the University of Tennessee abandoning its traditional orange home jerseys for black ones to spook the Gamecocks on Halloween night. And the weeks and weeks before that, NFL teams have shed their usual unis for something more colorful.

"It's a way for teams and fans to embrace their history and nostalgia," said Paul Lukas, who writes for ESPN.com in a blog entitled Uni Watch. "Who would have ever thought the Bucs would ever feel good about their old Creamsicle orange uniforms? But enough time has passed that people look back more fondly on them now."

This growing football fashion trend of stripping off the familiar team colors and throwing fans a curveball has been like a bad episode of "NFL Team Makeover'' meets "Queer Eye for the Straight Jock.''

So what's up with those fancy new duds? Has the NFL become the No Fashion League? And how's a guy supposed to follow his favorite team when they change colors like the fall leaves? Read on for the answers to these questions and more.

Back to the (ugly) future

The politically correct term is "throw-back'' uniforms, as in a throw-back to the past.

A more accurate term is "throw-away" uniforms, as in throw away in the trash.

And in some cases, such as the ugly outfits the Denver Broncos have sported recently, would be "throw-up" uniforms, as in playing the yackety sax, or talking to Ralph on the big white phone.

You get the picture, and it's not a pretty one that's being played out on football fields and TV screens this fall. For whatever reason, and teams seem willing to use any reason to dress to depress, wearing wacky uniforms is all the rage this season.

In the NFL, the most common cause of the color incoordination is the throw-back uniform, worn by teams to honor their great football past and poor fashion sense. Today's players may not be as tough as the older guys, but they certainly dress better.

And with the American Football League celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, the throw-backs have been in great supply. All eight original members of the AFL, the rival to the NFL that eventually merged with the big boys in 1970, are sporting 50-year-old unis in matchups dubbed by the league as "Legacy Games."

"If I could get my hands on some of the pot they smoked whenever they designed those things," joked Jonathan Smith, a Nichols-based fashion designer for professional athletes, including the NFL's Darren Sharper."The AFL's origins are in the early 1960s, when platform shoes and wide ties were in style. It's an era when people were just starting to live on the edge, and it's certainly reflected in the uniforms."

In selected games, especially when former AFL teams meet, the teams sport the same threads their predecessors wore in 1960. Not only are they hideous, but it's hard to tell which teams are playing unless you're 70 and watching in black-and-white.

The Tennessee Titans (formerly the Houston Oilers) have oil rigs on their helmets. The Kansas City Chiefs (formerly the Dallas Texans) have a map of the Lone Star State as their logo. The New England Patriots refer to themselves as the Boston Patriots.

But those are minor fashion faux pas compared to the crime committed by the Denver Broncos' original wardrobe designer. They chose to go with the old brown-and-gold, UPS-deliveryman uniforms from back in the day, complete with Pipi Longstockings-esque vertically striped socks.

The officials should have thrown a flag on them for public indecency, but check out what the refs were wearing - orange-and-white striped outfits with matching bright orange caps. They can't have the eyesight to officiate if they wore that out of the house.

But for all the colors being trotted out this season, the primary one seems to be green.

Greed is always in fashion

OK, so not all throw-back uniforms are that evil. The San Diego Chargers wear the old powder-blue jerseys with the lightning-bolt helmets. That's vintage, not vile. But in almost every case, it's clear that fashion has come a long way in the last 50 years.

Except for the teams that tamper with their traditional wear for marketing porpoises, er, purposes. The Miami Dolphins have always had a small bit of orange in their color scheme to offset the aqua, but now they sport dayglow orange jerseys that make them look more like the nearby collegiate Hurricanes than the team affectionately and inaccurately referred to as "the Fish."

The reason for this transformation is the reason for most evils in society - greed. Teams are constantly creating new lines so they can sell them to Joe Fan. Suddenly your Cowboys' jersey isn't hip anymore because the sleeves don't have the stars.

"Think about it: It's hard for me to sell a guy a new version of the same suit. Unless it wears out, he's not going to buy a new one," Smith said. "But if it's a different style of suit, especially a new trendy one, he might buy it. It's the same thing with the new jerseys. If they put out a new line different than the one he's already got, `Mom, I've got to have that one.' It's marketing."

Team merchandising departments are trying to create collector's items more so than jerseys. You will see teams wear special uniforms for special occasions just to make a buck. "Hey, it's Earth Day. For this game only, the Browns will be Green."

And so will the cash registers, but only if fans keep buying them. At some points the supporters will wise up and realize that not enough time has passed for the 2006 edition to be considered vintage and stop buying every new wrinkle added to a regular jersey.

But apparently Broncos fans love the team's 1960 brown-and-mustard gear.

"They're doing great. Everyone loves the old throwback mustard and yellow (jerseys)," said Russ Cardens, manager of The Bronco Store at Invesco Field, noting that this is the first retro-version the Broncos have put out since the old "Orange Crush" design. "They were selling right out of the box, but they're doing even better after people saw them on the field."

Can you imagine if the Raiders decided to quit being black and silver. Fans have followed them from L.A. to Oakland and back, literally, but would riot if Al Davis unveiled the new kinder, gentler version of the Raiders' in hot pink and blue. Just sashe, baby.

Or if the Green Bay Packers suddenly switched to deep purple? The Purple Bay Packers just doesn't have the same ring to it, and Vince Lombardi would do a spin move in his grave if Green Bay became Greed Bay and sold its soul and colors to the devil.

"Unfortunately, it's also a way to sell something to somebody," said Lukas. "I wish that weren't the case, but that's the reality of pro football.''

Clothed with good intentions

Not all new unis are the result of greed and bad fashion sense. Some, like the Gamecocks' costume change into camos, are designed to pay tribute to a worthy cause, like Operation Wounded Warrior, but there are better ways to help than giving the jersey off your back.

And lots of teams added pink garments to their unis to draw attention to Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October. Carolina Panthers' running back Jonathan Stewart sported pink shoes for a home game earlier this season and promptly fumbled on the first play.

Coincidence or God's way of saying not to tinker with tradition? Of course, tradition doesn't go very far in football these days.

"The NFL probably addresses it better than any sport as far as knowing and capturing their market," Smith said. "They have a larger audience than all the other sports, but their target market is the 18- to 35-year-old males, who consider themselves to be hip and trendy. Tradition holds less value with that audience. They're more concerned with trying to stay current and abreast."

That concept is reflected in the upstart United Football League, which is trying to follow in the AFL's footsteps 50 years later. The UFL unveiled its four founding teams this season in uniforms that look like something straight from the SyFy Channel.

From the trendy teal blue worn by the Florida Tuskers (named for the state's wild boars) to the forest green donned by the California Redwoods (named for the state's towering trees), the UFL has pulled out all the stops to capture the public's attention.

To no avail, of course, as TV ratings and attendance figures are showing. You can't blame all that on bad uniforms, but you can point to the bad uniforms as a sign of future success. The World Football League, United States Football League, the Arena Football League and the Xtreme Football League have all failed before it, and all tried to ride zany uniforms to the end zone.

There's just something to be said for tradition and consistency, especially in the conservative sport of football, that favors the old and tested over the new and trendy. Teams such as Penn State, in its understated nittany blue and white uniforms with bare helmets and black shoes, will win out over the flashy new unis and the trashy throw-backs with fans who value the tried and the true.

But for now, football fans must close their eyes and bear the unsightly scene of teams selling their souls and threads for a buck. Let's hope it's a trend that, like the Gamecocks when they slip into their camouflage suits, will soon disappear from sight.

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