Thursday, Dec. 24, 2009
Coming out for the holidays
So the family is all gathered around the table for a big Christmas dinner. The presents have already been opened and just when you ask Granny to pass you the peas - you think, "What the hell?"
So out comes the real present this year -you're coming out.
Coming out is always a difficult step to take in any LGBT person's life. Even if you have the hippest family on the block, it's often difficult to make that all important announcement about who you are. And what better time to drop that ultimate family bombshell -the holidays?
PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) actually suggests that you avoid such holidays as Christmas, saying "try not to blurt it out inappropriately . . . aim to choose an unstressed time," according to a guide entitled "Coming Out to Your Parents." However, comedian Jeffery Self, who came out when he was 18-years-old pointed out on a recent episode of "The Joy Behar Show" that "it's a nice distraction from all the other drama that's taking place in your house." Behar talked to three gay comedians (including Self) about coming out at the holidays.
I'm actually coming out a little this holiday season as well. As you read this column, I'm introducing my partner to my extended family. Yes, my immediate family has already met him, but it will be the first time my grandmother and all of my aunts, uncles and cousins will have definitive recognition of my gayness and actually see it up close and personal. It's a little unnerving, especially for my boyfriend.
So, I figured I'd take a light-hearted look at the subject. By perusing online you can find any number of resources that will direct you on coming out of the closet, from PFLAG's guide (www.pflag.org) to a performance of "Coming Out at Christmas" by the London Gay Men's Chorus (visit this column at www.weeklysurge.com to view the performance.) There's even a guide on eHow.com, a popular site which offers directions on "how to do just about everything."
Here are a few of my favorite suggestions from an interesting blog called Yoshke.com, adjusted slightly for the holiday season:
1. "I'm Coming Out" -No, don't just blurt out with a rendition of the popular Diana Ross song at the dinner table, but maybe suggest some karaoke around the Christmas tree. As Yoshke says, "this way you do not just reveal your sexuality, you also had fun in the process."
2. "Dad, have you seen 'Brokeback Mountain?" -After everyone's full from dinner and all the holiday sweets, suggest a movie to unwind for the night. If "Brokeback Mountain" is too direct, try "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe." "Just when the characters in the movie are coming out of the closet, say something like, 'It must feel good to come out of the closet,' . . . don't forget to release a heavy, deep sigh after that statement," says Yoshke.
3. "Can you please pass the salt to your gay son?" - Just slide it in there inadvertently somewhere. "This will make a few heads turn (especially your four-year-old brother's) but it is really the most appropriate time of the day to confess something as monumental as that," says Yoshke.
4. "Mom, Dad, I'm moving to Canada" or better yet, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, Iowa or New Hampshire - This one is a little trickier. Even though you have no real plans of moving, tell your parents you do, but without telling them why. Eventually they'll realize why you've picked one of these gay-friendlier places to live.
5. Finally, "I'm gay." -As Yoshke says, "no matter how clever your ideas can get, nothing beats the simple and classic let's-sit-down-and-talk method." Be open with your family and tell them how you feel and be honest about who you are. Most parents love their children unconditionally, or at least should. And no matter what happens, just give it time and hope that one day they will accept you for who you are. In all actuality there's never a perfect time or a perfect way, for that matter, to come out of the closet. The experience is different for each of us. Look at actor Meredith Baxter, who just recently decided to publicly come out of the closet at the age of 62. Everyone's circumstances are different and coming out is not an easy or light-hearted thing to do, in all reality. So if you decide to come out this holiday season, I wish you the best. Happy Holidays everyone and have a safe and gay New Year.
HRC CAROLINAS UPDATE
The 2010 Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Carolinas Gala Committee and the N.C. Steering Committee are seeking nominations for next year's Equality and Legacy/Trailblazer Awards to be given out at the annual HRC Carolinas Dinner. The event will be held on Saturday, Feb. 27 at the Raleigh Convention Center in Raleigh, N.C. Each year, the committees search for candidates who have shown extreme leadership related to the service of the LGBT community in North and South Carolina. According to a recent press release, "award recipients demonstrate a passion and drive to eliminate discrimination for LGBT people, and exemplify the HRC mission." Award nominees can be individuals, not-for-profit organizations and for-profit organizations. Tim Cable, Awards Committee Chair says, "The open call for nominations ensures that we have an opportunity to reflect our diverse community and the inspirational efforts toward achieving full acceptance and equality." Nominations are being accepted and can be found online at www.hrccarolinas.org. HRC represents a grassroots force of more than 750,000 members and supporters nationwide. The mission statement says that "as the largest national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, HRC envisions an America where LGBT people are assured of their basic equal rights and can be open, honest and safe at home, at work, and in the community."
< h3>OUT & ABOUT
Sunday, Dec. 27 - Rock Church Myrtle Beach, a non-denominational worship group meets at 2 p.m. every Sunday at The Center Project, 736 Eighth Avenue in downtown Myrtle Beach. The church began meeting at its new home a little more than a year ago and continues to flourish. For more information, visit www.rockchurchmyrtlebeach.com or call 283-0918.
Friday, Jan. 1 - The First Friday Happy Hour group will meet from 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. Jan. 1 at Carolina Roadhouse, 4617 North Kings Highway in Myrtle Beach. For more information, send an e-mail to FirstFriday@GambleLivingston.com.
Have a thought, comment or Out & About event? Send Chris Rudisill an e-mail at SouthernGayWriter @gmail.com. You can also follow along on Facebook.com @SouthernGayWriter for more news and events.
