Thursday, Nov. 26, 2009
This is my "husband"
We all understand the importance of words - unfortunately too often we realize this from the effects of hateful words used to offend people. Gays and lesbians know this all too well. Take for instance last week's tirade of homophobic slurs directed at gay New Hampshire Democratic Party Chair Ray Buckley from conservative radio host and GraniteGrok.com co-founder Doug Lambert. Lambert, who has since been dropped from the radio station (WEMJ 1490 AM) and has repeatedly apologized for his actions, said "Yeah you faggot (referring to Buckley) . . . that's right I said it and I meant it. You are reprobate." Following his departure from the radio station Lambert wrote on his now-defunct blog, "Let this be a lesson to those who harbor such hatred as I have demonstrated . . . we must love everybody as we do ourselves."
But words can also raise us up, make us stronger and happier and in today's society provide certain equality. Ellen Degeneres appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show this month with her wife Portia de Rossi, corresponding with the November issue of O Magazine featuring Oprah and our greatest lesbian ambassador on the cover. De Rossi points out the importance of marriage and the words that accompany it. The two had originally planned a commitment ceremony when California briefly legalized gay marriage, allowing them to legally wed.
It got me thinking a lot about the semantics of the whole marriage issue. To some, gay marriage is attacking the foundation of religion, but to me, it's not - it's about validating our relationships and equality. I often jokingly call my boyfriend, or should I say partner, "husband." See - it's even hard to know how to describe him here. To me our relationship goes beyond the boyfriend status. The term conjures up notions of adolescence to me, at least a budding romance - not one that has such permanence. If gay marriage was legal where we live, I'd probably refer to him as my fiancé. But without legal recognition of our relationship, I often hold back, use other terms such as "partner." Basically, marriage not only recognizes our love and commitment toward one another, it gives us a defined role in society. "It's fact. It's law. She's my wife," said de Rossi in the interview with Winfrey.
I remember years ago when gay and lesbian partners were even referred to as "friends" or "special friends." You could almost see the quotation marks in the air when people used these terms. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm friends with a lot of people. That doesn't equate them to the man I share my bed and my life with.
Last month, Pew Research Center for the People and the Press released a poll which found that 57 percent of Americans now favor "allowing gay and lesbian couples to enter into legal agreements with each other that would give them many of the same rights as married couples, a status commonly known as "civil unions." In the same poll, however, 53 percent oppose gay marriage. The biggest semantics argument here is that marriage is a religious union. In the historic California hearing on Proposition 8 which again made new same-sex marriages in the state illegal, Supreme Court Justice Ming Chin even argued that the government should just get out of the "marriage business" altogether, suggesting civil unions for both straight and gay couples. Even President Obama has said that he supports civil unions but not gay marriage. The fact is - civil unions fall short. Unless all marriages, both same-sex and opposite-sex, are considered civil unions then we fall right back into the issue of separate but equal. In the end - it all comes down to words. It makes it difficult for me to refer to my partner as fiancé without the possibility of a snicker or insult. It makes it difficult for anyone to see our relationship as equal as those of heterosexual couples.
Marriage equality will definitely take a long time to reach all corners of the country. There are many battles left to fight, many amendments to defeat and many judges ahead to hear about our struggle, but it will come, and with it will come liberation of words. The days of the quotation marks referencing a gay relationship will come to an end and I for one will be happy with my husband.
OUT & ABOUT
Thursday, Nov. 26 - Today, of course, is Thanksgiving Day. The Center Project hosts a monthly Thankful Thursday Meet & Greet the last Thursday of each month. So after stuffing yourself with turkey, head over to TCP, 736 Eighth Ave. North in downtown Myrtle Beach, from 5 to 7 tonight to meet up with old friends and meet new ones. For more information call 626-4953 or visit www.thecenterproject.com.
Saturday, Nov. 28 - Carolina Bear Lodge will host its monthly Myrtle Beach Bear Dinners at 6 p.m. Saturday at El Cerro Grande, 108 S. Kings Highway in Myrtle Beach. For more information e-mail myrtlebeach@carolinabears.com or visit www.carolinabears.com.
Saturday, Nov. 28 - Red Ribbon Friends will mark World AIDS Weekend with its annual candlelight vigil around the Super Block in downtown Myrtle Beach. The walk starts at Nance Plaza at 11 p.m. Saturday and ends with a brief memorial service. Following the walk, RRF will host a benefit show at Time Out! featuring entertainment by Miss RRF 2010 Kelly Brooks along with former Miss RRFs. Time Out! is located at 520 Eighth Ave. North in downtown Myrtle Beach. Proceeds from the show benefit the RRF/Careteam Grant Fund, which was established in 2001 to help pay for expenses incurred by gay men living with HIV and/or AIDS in Horry, Georgetown and Williamsburg counties.
Sunday, Nov. 29 - Thursday, Dec. 3 - Coastal AIDS Quilt Project presents portions of the AIDS Memorial Quilt, which will be on display at the Myrtle Beach Train Depot in recognition of World AIDS Day, which is Tuesday. The Myrtle Beach Train Depot is at 851 Broadway in downtown Myrtle Beach. For more information about the AIDS Memorial Quilt visit www.AIDSQuilt.org.
Friday, Dec. 4 - The First Friday Happy Hour group will meet from 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. Dec. 4 at Rioz Brazilian Steakhouse, at 2920 Hollywood Drive (near the intersection of 29th Avenue North and U.S. 17 Bypass) in Myrtle Beach. For more information, e-mail FirstFriday@GambleLivingston.com.
Thursday, Dec. 10 - The holiday season is fully upon us and it's time for Rainbow House Bar & Grill's 2nd Annual Gay-It-Forward Christmas Party. The annual charity event, which will be held from 6-9 p.m. Dec. 10, raises money and collects gifts for needy children in the area. This year, Rainbow House was asked by the S.C. Department of Social Services to help children that are in Intensive Foster Care and Clinical Services. Party-goers are should bring a gift or make a suggested $20 donation. A gift wish-list is posted at Rainbow House, at 815 N. Kings Highway in downtown Myrtle Beach. For more information call 626-7298.
Have a thought, comment or Out & About event? Send Chris Rudisill an e-mail at SouthernGayWriter@gmail.com. You can also follow along on Facebook.com @SouthernGayWriter for more news and events.
