Thursday, Aug. 06, 2009
She Wants The Sex She Had 23 Years Ago
MCT
Brad J. Guigar/Philadelphia Daily News/MCT
Q: I've been married for 23 years, and everything was great until a year ago, when he started to change sexually. Foreplay things he used to do, he doesn't do anymore. We have three grown children, and we are going to be left alone as they make their lives. What can I do for him to make things like they were before? Or do you think he has another woman? He doesn't tell me anymore about his feelings for me, and I am very worried about that. All of this makes me feel sad.
MIA:Don't jump to conclusions, girlfriend. Maybe your man has gotten lazy.
After all, 23 years is a long time to have been knocking boots with the same person. I mean, I love vanilla ice cream, but do I really want only that for 23 years? Maybe your Romeo needs a bit of fresh inspiration; a little change of scenery perhaps? An isolated beach in Negril, Jamaica, might do the trick - or how about a getaway in the Poconos? I'm partial to that resort with the heart-shaped bathtubs.
Once you're away, maybe you can get your Romeo to open up and tell you what's wrong. You've got to get him to talk. If this doesn't help, I'd call a counselor.
STEVE: Yeah, don't sulk - start talking. Engage him. Talk about ways that will get you excited about each other. And if he's uncooperative, see a marriage counselor together to reopen the lines of communication.
Romantic-love relationships are sustained by communication or killed by a lack of same.
Q: I have been divorced from my wife for about three years. We remain good friends and even travel together with our 8-year-old daughter. But I have an interesting dilemma. While we've been apart, I've received many invitations, phone calls and e-mails to parties and events. But they all went to my former spouse's address. Am I wrong to assume that if these people really wanted me to attend their functions, they would've invited me personally?
STEVE: If they didn't want you to attend, why would they have invited you at all? Your dilemma isn't that complicated. Simply send an e-mail to all your friends, acquaintances and co-workers with updated personal information, including address, e-mail address and phone numbers. And ask your ex-spouse to please forward communications meant for you.
MIA: I agree with Steve. People live busy lives. Just because you've made a big change in yours doesn't mean they've updated their mailing lists. Let the people in your social circle know the best way to get in touch with you these days. Don't just sit back like a lug and leave it all on them.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.
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