Thursday, Sep. 03, 2009
Facebook Stirs a Passion, Jealousy
Q: I have been married for 14 years. My husband recently set up a Facebook account and has been communicating with his college girlfriend on it. She's very pretty. He told her he was happy to hear from her again. I can't stop thinking about it. Should I confront him?
MIA:Girlfriend, have you checked his MySpace, too? How about his Twitter account? Not sure he even has one? Well, if you're going to play amateur detective, you'd better find out. And if you haven't already read his e-mail, put that on the list, too. Watch for the mail, so you can be the first to scan his credit card bills. And don't forget to check his laundry for lipstick. Sounds crazy right? But that's what happens when you go down the slippery snooping slope. It not only demeans your husband but it demeans you, too. Don't do it, girl. Instead, talk to your guy. He may not have thought through the implications of accepting a Facebook friend request from an ex. Tell him your concerns. Even if there is something going on, at least you'll be handling things like an adult.
STEVE: I see nothing wrong with him talking to his ex-college girlfriend as long as he tells you about it. Here's how to guarantee he won't tell you about it: Act jealous, insecure and threatened every time he mentions an old girlfriend. Act suspicious when he goes out for a night with the guys. Criticize him for looking at another woman. Do this enough and he might even have an affair. On the other hand, if he loves you and acts like it, you have nothing to worry about.
Q: I'm sick and tired of men. Every time I'm at the bus stop, some guy gets in my face telling me, "You look nice today." Or, "Why don't you smile, sweetheart?" The other day, a young guy kept trying to talk to me and when I wouldn't respond, he called me the b-word. Now, I am afraid to go down that street again. I just want to be left alone.
STEVE: Most women seem to develop a defense to unwanted attention early on, something they used quite effectively on me when I was in college. There are various strategies. Most important is to appear confident and firm. Most guys will get the message and leave you alone. It's OK to respond to harmless comments like, "you look nice today," but ignore catcalls and name-calling. If you feel threatened in any way, call the police.
MIA: Buy a car. You can't win this battle. All you can do is avoid these creeps. And it's easier to do that on four wheels than when you're waiting at a bus stop. It's not fair but that's how it is.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.
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