Thursday, Sep. 17, 2009
He and The Relationship No Longer Work
MCT
Q: My guy got laid off his job in January. And ever since, he’s been sitting around the house in the same T-shirt and gym shorts. He’s getting fat. He has stopped shaving. When I come home from work, he’s sitting in front of the computer playing video games. He stays up all night playing those stupid games. I’ve almost had it. I don’t want to break up with him since he's the father of my son, but he’s starting to turn me off. What should I do?
STEVE: What’s wrong with sitting around in shorts playing video games all day and night? It’s what I do when I’m not working on this column. My guess is that he’s depressed since, in America, your job is who you are. He needs encouragement to get out there and bang away until he finds another job.
MIA: Millions of Americans have lost jobs and with that, many couples are feeling the impact on their relationships. A lot of guys derive their self-esteem from their paychecks so when they’re not the breadwinner anymore, their ego can be affected. You may have to give him a deadline to snap out of this funk. But it sure would be easier if he had a job he liked to go to each day. Try to help him with his job search. I wish you luck.
Q: What do you do about a mother-in-law who acts more like a girlfriend than a mother? Ever since I married my wife, I’ve been noticing that she and her mother are always together. If they’re not shopping or decorating the house, then they are on the phone talking. Every weekend, my wife’s mother is at our house. Whenever the phone rings, it’s her on the phone. I’m starting to feel like the odd man out.
MIA: Tell your wife that you’ve had it with her clingy mother. It’s time to set ground rules. Decide together when it’s acceptable for your mother-in-law to call and when it’s OK for her to visit. Let your spouse know that your marriage is on the line if she doesn’t immediately set some boundaries. Write the new rules down and post them on the refrigerator, if necessary. Let your wife know that if she doesn’t inform her mother of the rules, you will.
STEVE: As the philosopher Ernie “K-Doe” Kador once sang, “Satan should be her name, Mother-in-law, mother-in-law, To me they’re about the same . . .” Mia’s right. Set aside some “mommy time” each week. But the rest of the week you and your wife focus on each other.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.
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