Thursday, Oct. 01, 2009
Does marriage equal prostitution?
Q: The high-priced call girl who brought down New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer recently said snobby women shouldn't be judgmental about her profession, since they trade sex for things like security, a wealthy lifestyle, a career boost, etc., all the time. Do you think she's right?
Steve: I'll defer to the English writer Sebastian Horsley, who once observed, "The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money always costs a lot less." People look down on prostitutes not because they exchange sex for something of value - we all do that - but because they exchange sex for so little value. By contrast, look at marriage. Marriage is an expression of love and devotion, of which sex is certainly a part. In this case, it is being exchanged for a lifetime contract. Not even mortgage bankers insist on a lifetime contract. Of course, certain crass women exchange sex for goodies with their sugar-daddy paramours (usually married) all the time. So I'd say Spitzer's gal is right to an extent. But that doesn't change the fact that she's a prostitute.
Mia: Harrumph! Ashley Dupre is trying to justify her trifling ways. Yeah, some women play that game. They go out with men just so they can get a free meal or maybe get their rent paid. Nothing new about that. But how often does this really happen? Most of the women I know pay their own bills. We work every day at real jobs and don't resort to having sex with strangers the way Ashley did. She ought to try earning an honest living. That might keep her too busy to trash-talk those of us who play by the rules.
Q: My husband's best friend chose my husband to be the godfather for his new baby but not me to be godmother. We've all known each other for more than 20 years. He was in our wedding, and he's our children's godfather. I'm offended. Am I wrong?
Mia: How long have you been letting this fester, girlfriend? I mean, come on now. Have you asked him why you weren't asked to be the godmother? I'll bet he got to choose the godfather and his wife has a best girlfriend who she wants to be the godmother. But you'll never know unless you ask. Don't assume this was a dis against you. And even if it was, what can you do about it? Let it go.
Steve: Being disappointed is one thing, but why would you be offended? As far as I know, there's no etiquette rule that says the wife of the godfather has to be godmother. The birth of a friend's baby should be all about them, not about you.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.