Thursday, Oct. 08, 2009
She has a connection with a distant cousin
Q: I have developed a strong emotional and intimate relationship with a very distant cousin (fifth cousin). No one within our immediate families is aware of this. I am very much in love with this man, who has swept me off my feet. I am afraid what my family will say and think of me. We both are way beyond our baby-making ages and are very much in love. We live in different states and are working out this long-distance thing. It's not illegal; I've checked. Is it morally OK? I would hate to have to give up this man who has been the only man in my life to love me for me and makes me melt every time I look at him.
Steve: Fifth cousins? Doesn't that mean your great-aunt once shook hands with his great-grandfather? Actually I looked it up. Fifth cousins mean you and your guy share the same great-great-great-great-grandparents. Does that make you feel icky? No, me neither. I see nothing wrong and your family shouldn't either.
Mia: Forget about what your relatives might think. This is your life - not theirs. Embrace the love, girlfriend. Not many women in your age bracket are lucky enough to find love. I agree with Steve that you should enjoy what you and cuz have going. Besides, think how convenient things will be, come family-reunion time.
Q: I was vacationing with friends when I got really sick. I ran to the bathroom and was in there for almost 45 minutes and nobody came to check on me. They are all doctors and nurses and nobody came to check on me. Finally my husband came. This really hurt my feelings. These are people we get together with every year. Should I continue to socialize with them? They don't seem to care about me. These are my husband's friends.
Mia: Your last sentence says it all. Since these insensitive "friends" are your husband's crowd, you're expecting way too much out of them. They most likely think of you as so-and-so's wife. If you got divorced, they'll drop you and keep him. You have to lower your expectations and get real. These aren't your friends. Keep that in mind the next time you hang out with them, and you won't feel so hurt if you get ignored again.
Steve: How often do people monitor people who go into the bathroom? I don't see a beef with the friends. As for your husband, it should have taken him less than 45 minutes to notice you were missing. The other factor here is the severity of your illness. If you were bleeding or had a fever of 104, yes, he should've checked on you often and taken you to a hospital if necessary. If you just had a stomach bug, then maybe not so much.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.