Thursday, Nov. 05, 2009
Sexcetera: Whose private part was in that photo?
Q: I was going through a friend's cell phone when I came across a photo of a penis. I wasn't sure if it was his or someone else's. I was so surprised. What's the best way to handle a situation like this?
Mia: It depends.
Congratulations could be in order.
Or maybe pity. It's hard for me to say without having seen the photo.
Steve?
Steve: I dunno. Was it human? And if you didn't recognize it, just how close a friend are you, anyway?
I've seen some pretty nasty spam e-mail, so don't make any assumptions about why he has it or where it came from. I'd ignore it unless he starts using it as a screen saver.
Q: I read the article in your paper about the new movie "Good Hair" and I know we women often choose hair styles because we want to be attractive to men. But how far do you think we should go? I ask this because a man I've been dating has suggested that I shave my private parts. I know this is the style, but I have no interest in it and until now no man ever suggested I should do it. Is this just a small thing I should do for my man, or should I just tell him I don't want to and maybe risk losing him?
Steve: Wow, you might lose the guy if you don't shave? When I was a teenager I once lost a girl because I couldn't shave.
I think these personal appearance decisions are up to the individual. If you don't want to shave, you shouldn't. If you could care less one way or the other, then consider indulging him. But no one should ever alter his or her appearance against their will.
Mia: Your dilemma reminds me of the "Sex and the City" scene where the friends are sitting on the beach in swimsuits and Samantha tells Miranda, who hasn't been mowing the lawn, so to speak, that "... if it's any thicker, he's not going to be able to find it."
The dare-to-bare thing is in. But fear of losing your guy is no reason to join the smoothie club. Let it go wild. You're better off finding out if he's not in love with you now than after you suffer through the pain of a Brazilian wax. If you want to experiment with the novelty of sporting just a landing strip or less, that's one thing. But don't do it because you're afraid he'll dump you.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single.